Though now for a little while

I love New Year’s resolutions. I love taking a moment to think about how we can better ourselves. To look back on last year and see how we can improve. I don’t love how we make these resolutions with the prior mindset that we won’t keep them. I hate doing them just for show. But genuine attempts to live a better life – I love them. I think we too easily get caught up and overwhelmed in our day to day that we forget the bigger picture. I like moments where we’re forced to stop and think. To remember. I also love a good theme. A good themed birthday party, I’m all over that. A good themed Homecoming week, with pep rallies and dress up days, that’s a good week of school.

With those two thoughts in mind I want to share my new year’s theme. I know you’re thinking “But it’s only September. It’s way too early to think about New Year’s Resolutions!” But see I’m a teacher, which means I function off a different fiscal year. I run from August to May. When New Years actually does roll around, I’m too busy mourning Christmas break and trying to figure out how to rally 125 seniors to give me 18% for the next four months before graduation. It’s as difficult as it sounds. So I rejuvenate in August. After my yearly sabbatical over the summer, I try to return to school refreshed and positive. Like most teachers, I live for sabbaticals.  But amid the sleeping in and Netflix bingeing, I try to actually work on something productive. I try to pick a theme. Something I want to focus on throughout the entire school year. I try to come up with a theme that will keep me going. Something to keep parents, students, and busyness from stealing my joy and Christian attitude. Last year my theme was “mercy over judgement.” I wanted to focus on compassion. To love before losing my temper. And boy did I have ALL the opportunities. It’s like that class knew I was working on this and they threw everything they had at me.

I think I’ve mentioned this before but out of all the people of the Bible, I identify most with the older brother in the story of the prodigal son. I’m not ok with younger brother running out, living life so wrong, and then running back home and we’re supposed to rejoice and party like nothing’s happened. So not ok with that. When you do wrong, I want to point out that you’ve done wrong. I think it’s my job to correct you. So last year I wanted to work on being more compassionate. Not jumping straight to judgement and punishment. (I’m still working on it) Last school year was rough – to put it mildly. I allowed the ugliness and selfishness of others steal my joy. Last year I was broken down. But that was just for a year. It was just difficult for a little while. And that’s not happening again. This year I used my sabbatical to train. To strengthen myself in case I had another challenging year. And I chose another theme…

“so that I may bless whom?”

I didn’t come up with this by myself. I completely stole it from Lysa Terkeurst’s book The Best Yes. Lysa’s one of the few people I would be star struck to meet in person. There aren’t a lot of famous people that would get me shook. Mainly because I don’t know a lot of celebrities. Senators – yes. Movie stars – not so much. After all I do put myself to sleep writing campaign speeches and delivering arguments to various members of Congress. But Lysa’s up there with the I want to be like you level of people. I feel like I might tear up if I met her. Definitely stutter through introductions. She’s up there with Adele, George W. Bush, Tim Allen, and Tucker Carlson. (I have a serious crush on him!) I’m also a guest on his show all the time, again it’s how I fall asleep. Anyway, I digress. In her book The Best Yes she discusses how to spend your time the best way possible. We’re so busy saying yes to everything that we end up with bad attitudes and underwhelmed hearts. (see even the summary is really good) It’s when she discusses how to decide what we should say yes to and what we should politely say no to that she poses the question – “so that I might bless whom?”

And I couldn’t get this out of my head. It made me start asking questions. What if I changed my mindset to thinking about serving others? How would my life change? How would my classroom change if I strove day in and day out thinking about blessing my students? Blessing my hardworking, equally exhausted co-workers? What if I stop living for myself? What if I was a teacher like Jesus?

Unfortunately this is not an overnight overhaul. Unfortunately I can’t just say I want to change and it magically happen. Especially when it’s a matter of the heart. As we’ve all learned from the always wise Disney movie Frozen, “The heart is not so easily changed.” I’m not a naturally selfless person. I’m actually the complete opposite. Highly selfish. Older brother remember? I’m not gifted in thinking outside my own little world. I get overwhelmed trying to solve my own problems at school or home. Wondering why  people aren’t working with ME to make MY life easier?!? I fail to see how good I actually have it and how badly someone else needs my help.

But here’s the thing – this life isn’t about us. The sooner we learn that, the easier our lives become. If there was some magic way to instill selflessness in children as soon as they’re born, instead of trying and trying and trying to teach it to them their whole lives(sadly most adults still haven’t mastered it), our world would be a better place. I’m not supposed to live life for my own pleasure and selfish gains. I’m supposed to think about about blessing others. That’s how I win others to Christ. I serve and bless others. That’s what this adoption adventure is all about too.

This smacks me in the face. This is what “trials” should all be about. Praise and glory and honor for Jesus. Trials are when we turn inward. We think about ourselves. And in the beginning of the trial, I think that’s ok. To focus on getting ourselves together and whole. But we tend to stay focused on ourselves far too long. During a trial we don’t ask “so that I might bless whom?” We ask “How am I going to get through this?” I do this. I ask all the questions about me and never think to look around. I don’t do a good job for God during my trials. And that weighs so heavily on my heart. I’ve had lots of bad months, not even just bad days, but whole bad months during this time of waiting. Where I was depressed and angry and just flat out tired of the waiting. When I’m struggling the most is when I stop thinking about and living for God. Instead I’m focusing on how my life is NOT turning out like I planned. At all. I quit using my “trial” to bless others.

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while…” For a little while. That’s got to be subjective. Like you go visit a southerner’s home and they tell you to “sit and visit a while” or “stay and rock a while.” You could be there for 15 minutes or you could be there for two hours. The latter is more likely. Your “little while” could be much shorter than mine or it could be much longer. Most days my “little while” feels way more than little. We’re coming up on the official one year mark. We’re about to have to re-do our homestudy. This “little while” is really getting to me. A few people who had also adopted  said “Oh we only had to wait three months,” “We got out baby so fast we weren’t even ready.” And that’s what I held onto. Those are the stories I took to heart. So the fact that our homestudy is about to expire with no baby to show was NOT in my line of thinking.

But I have to rejoice.  And not just for a little while. This trial is about more than me and my pain. More than me and my waiting. About more than me and my shattered plan. It’s about blessing others. That’s why I want to share this adventure. That’s why I want to be as open and real as possible about all of it. Because there’s no way I’m the only person feeling like this about their trial. But I can’t share and bless if I’m not rejoicing. I can’t give what I don’t have. I can’t bless if I stay broken and shattered. Shift your focus away from yourself and the pity the devil tells you you should feel. Don’t ignore the fact that you’re in a trial – but use it for good. Use it for God. Use it to get yourself to heaven and take everyone else you know with you. That’s what verses three and four of this same chapter tell us. “He has caused us to be born again to a living hope,” “to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you.” That’s our purpose in everything. To live life for God and to reach our eternal home with Him.

I’ve got to learn to rejoice in trials. Not because of my earthly happiness, which is fleeting. But because of my heavenly joy, which is eternal. Because I have to be full of good things to bless others with good things. I’ve got to be full of Christ to bless others with Christ. And you can do that no matter what season of life you’re in. It takes a lot more work to be a pleasing aroma during trials than it does when life is peachy. Let me tell you. But it is doable. Don’t use me as an example. (I’m still working on it. Remember my theme?) Look at Paul and Jesus. Paul singing praises while in jail(Acts 16:25). Jesus having and sharing joy while on the way to the cross(John 15:11). That’s what I’m talking about. Whether your trial is long, short, or never ending on this earth – use it for the good of God. Use it to bless someone else. And watch how your trial shifts from a burden too heavy to carry to a gift that’s too amazing to hide.

So in my classroom and through my trial, I’m asking “so that I might bless whom?”

Originally published September 2017